Chocolate Salty Balls

This have been the most requested recipe since Taco Dip, so I'll just put it out there. They are not actually salty, but the name has been coined already. Put 'em in your mouth!

Bailey's Milk Chocolate Truffles (aka Chocolate Salty Balls)

3/4 c. heavy cream
3 T butter
1 1/2 lbs. milk chocolate, chopped
3/4 c. Bailey's Irish Cream

Sugar coating
1/2 c. confectioner's sugar
1/4 c. cocoa powder
1/4 tsp cinnamon

Combine cream and butter in a saucepan. Bring to a light boil; remove from heat. Add chocolate pieces, stir to melt. Stir in Bailey's. Pour into a bowl and refrigerate at least 6 hours.

In a shallow bowl, sift together the sugar, cocoa powder, and cinnamon. Line a cookie sheet with wax paper. Spoon out walnut size pieces, roll into a ball, and roll in sugar mixture. Freeze until firm.

Store in the freezer in an airtight container. (Best if rolled in sugar immediately before serving.)

Variations: Use 1/4 c. Bailey's and 1/2 c. Frangelico for hazelnut flavored balls. Omit the cinnamon or use a 50/50 mixture of sugar and cocoa powder.

More funnies from the classroom

Girl (somewhat alarmed): Mrs. Newman, I smell celery.
(not the same girl who smelled sausage in the bathroom, mind you.)

One day, I forgot my umbrella. My jacket didn't have a hood, and we have to wait for parents to pick up their children at the parking lot. After walking my students to their cars in the rain, my hair must have looked like a mess, because a boy says to me, "Mrs. Newman, you look like you just jumped overboard." Thanks, kid. There are days when I do want to jump overboard.


more animals

Have you ever had one of those embarassing moments when you realize you've been singing the wrong lyrics to a song (at the top of your lungs)? Well, you can feel better about it after you watch this amazing video.

Merry Christmas (not Happy Holidays)

Yes, I'm a person who prefers to say Merry Christmas rather than Happy Holidays. That's one place that I just can't stand the PC-ness of it all. My little religious revolt. I always think of it this way: if someone wished me a Happy Hanukkah, I would say, "Hey, thanks!" and I would have a happy eight nights just the same. How nice of someone to wish me well on any day of the year. I don't see the problem with Merry Christmas. Have a good Ramadan! A blessed Yom Kippur to you! Best wishes for a lovely Kwanzaa! (I have yet to meet someone that celebrates that. I want to know what it's all about.)

If you have a problem with me shoving my spirituality in your face with my Merry Christmas-ing, then I guess you'll be pretty p.o.'d when I get all kind and caring on your butt. Really... If you get upset when Christ is on my lips, how come you don't get all bent out of shape when Christ is in my heart and oozing all out into the world? Stop that woman! She's being nice! She's showing mercy! Won't anyone stop the madness?! I bet all the people who don't want me saying Merry Christmas wouldn't argue with what I (try to) do every other day of the year.

I'm not against "Happy Holidays." But even atheists can have a pleasant December 25th without the whole celebrating the birth of a Savior thing. (But having a pleasant afterlife? That's a whole 'nother story.)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

For all you who still need to get into the spirit of the season, Yuri has a message for you:

Shout out to Scat and Kott

No, the nicknames have nothing to do with poop and beds, it's just that whenever we try to say their names quickly it gets all messed up.

This one is for you guys. Thank goodness you are beaming over to us soon!

I blame Drew

Drew was watching a movie and broke my computer just by looking at it. Dell sent us a new replacement hard drive at no charge because they were so scared of his evil eyes. That's why I haven't posted in a while. Evil eyes.

So what goes on at the playground during recess? The answer is revealed...




A glimpse into a fourth grade mind right there.

Anyhoo. Who else can't stand holiday traffic? Next year Thanksgiving is at MY house. Seriously. I will cook for a week straight just to not have to do that again. I can't stand 81 in Virginia. We were fine until then! Drew and I had several conversations centering on moving to PA asap...

Since we've gotten back, we've decorated for the holidays, which means we set up our Charlie Brown tree. We set out a few other things from our parents, but all in all, it's not the grand display I had in mind. I've been around my parents' house for the holidays for so long, and don't even know what normal people do. Our home always looked like the entirety of North America's Christmas cheer was dropped like a bomb in the center of our household. Like a plague of elvish locusts came and, instead of eating everything in sight, covered every surface with something Christmasy. Downstairs, each room had a theme (or two) - even the bathroom. Drew looked at me funny when I told him that all of my ornaments for my childhood Christmas tree were teddy bears. "What? Doesn't everyone have a themed tree in her bedroom when she's a little kid? What do you mean it doesn't take an entire week to decorate the house for Christmas? You can't do it in one night... it takes that long just to get the two dozen plastic bins down from the attic."

I still say that I need to purchase some garland for the mantel. But that's all, I swear...

Book Reviews

If you are looking for some reading, here's what I've read recently:

The Beast in the Bathtub by Kathleen Stevens, illustrated by Ray Bowler. This children's book was an oldie-but-goodie from years past. I love the ridiculousness of it. Good reading for those who need to take a bath; disturbing for those old enough to realize that a child was taking a bath with a strange creature without the parents knowing.

Love and Hate in Jamestown by David A. Price. This was a facinating look at the dynamics of Jamestown, which gave me much needed background on the Virginia history that I teach. I was surprised to learn that the rest of the colonists actually kept John Smith locked up for much of the trip to America. He was quite despised before they even landed. It was a good read, with much reference and inclusion of first hand accounts and primary sources. I had much confidence in the author, since he was interviewed for a documentary on Jamestown that I had seen the week previous.

A Dog Named Christmas by Greg Kincaid. A heart-warming Christmas tale about a dog and a mentally challenged boy's family. It was cliche and might as well have an ad for your local animal shelter, but still a decent fiction to get you in the Christmas mood. Luckily, it won't last too long, since it's a small book. Definitely get it from the library, not a the bookstore. If you want a highly entertaining Christmas fiction, check out Skipping Christmas by John Grisham. It is not very cerebral either, but much better.

While we're on the subject of dogs, you MUST read Marley & Me by John Grogan before the movie comes out. It is laugh-out-loud funny the whole way through, even if you haven't had a dog as badly behaved as the canine hero. The book is so good that the movie won't be able to touch it, no matter who they get to star in it. (It will be Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, as a matter of fact, and the movie is coming out on Christmas.)

The Man in the Picture: A Ghost Story by Susan Hill is a spooky tale that is not anything like your typical scare-you-out-of-your-pants ghost story. It is creepy and suggestive, slowly developing like a mist crawling up your spine. It was great to read around Halloween, and it's eerie conclusion stuck with me, bothering me without my actually being frightened. It was mysterious with the tone of a seasoned storyteller, who knows exactly when to extend a pause, insert an intensely descriptive passage, or omit just enough information for you to figure it all out. A quick read, but hard to put down.

Snow Day!

Friday was a Snow Day! Wahoo!

Of course, I showed up to work, and was one of the lucky goobers out in the parking lot telling angry working parents that they had to keep their kids for the whole day. Not a good deal for the overachievers! We show up and we get penalized. Awesome.

The reason I showed up at all on a snow day was simple. I jokingly told Drew that I should check the school closings on Friday morning because there was 1/4 inch of snow on the ground. I did it to be dramatic, and make fun of myself for earlier this week. Low and behold, it was a two hour delay. Since I was the protagonist in this story, I was already dressed and putting my coat on; that is how my life works. I attempted a nap, just to get some satisfaction out of a delay, but I spent the whole time worrying that I was wrong and the school was going to call me wondering why I didn't show up to work.

I had a meeting with the principal that morning, so I asked Drew if he would just drop me off on his way to work. Then, I would have plenty of time to get some work done. He dropped me off, and again, only one other car in the parking lot... and it wasn't the principal's. Have I been fooled again? This is ridiculous! I get in, fire up the computer, and check the school closings. Nope, we're still two hours late. I wave Drew on to work, and run into one of the people who "know things" as far as administration is concerned. She doesn't say anything about school being closed. I figure, okay, let's gear up for school. As I get a head start on some of my lesson plans for after Thanksgiving Break, a large dog bounds in to my classroom and barks at me. It's the principal's dog, a regular visitor during the summer, but hardly ever on a school day...

The principal passes in the hall and yells, "Beth, we're shutting it down." What?! Another teacher comes down the hall and asks, "What did he say?"

"I think we're having a snow day," I reply. I don't know whether to rejoice or grumble. I started to rejoice, when he asked us to go out into the parking lot to redirect the traffic back home. Then I grumbled. Poop. I come in like a good and faithful teacher, and we have to go stand outside in the frigid weather with the snow? At least it was casual Friday. I couldn't feel my fingers, but at least I was in sneakers and not dress shoes.

But wait! I don't have a car. Drew had to leave work to come get me, but at least I got some Chinese food out of the deal when we went to lunch. Other than that, I spent what would have been the rest of the school day sleeping in a warm bed. Not so bad for a day's work. Hey, teachers have to get some perks for the 10-hour days, nose-picking children, and irrational parent phone calls. You have no idea until you have a teacher in the family. Trust me.

Question: How do I get fourth graders to stop picking their noses during class? This is a legitimate question. I am sick of asking them to use a tissue and Germ-x several times a day. They think if they cover their nose that I don't know what they are doing. I wasn't born yesterday, kiddos, I know you're digging for gold! I think I'm just going to have to be upfront and warn them that I am going to call them out publicly for sticking their phalanges in their nasal orifices. It's sick... quite literally.

Living in the Stone Age

This is a story about what happens when you don't have TV, don't check your email every hour or so, and don't have alerts sent to your cell phone via text message.

Take a moment and think about the BEST days in your childhood. At the top of the list is snow days, right? Well, things do not change when you become the teacher. We get paid the same amount to stay home and drink hot chocolate. You can imagine how psyched I was when it started snowing last night - the first real snow of the season. I regressed (as we all do, admit it), and danced around the living room chanting "Snow Day, Snow Day!" Yes, this was all despite the radio weather forecast that told me that there would be little to no accumulation. We all get wishful when we think there's a chance of a school cancellation.

Then again, I am a responsible and realistic adult. When my alarm went off this morning, I got up and did my routine... slowly. Mornings are tough when you stumble out of a warm bed, groggily take a shower, and as you dress, keep staring at the lump under the covers, trying to refrain from throwing a pillow at him out of sheer jealousy. As I plodded downstairs, I realized that I was running behind schedule. I just put a little more pep in my step as I made breakfast. I had offered to make Drew breakfast in order to tempt him to join me downstairs, so I got out all the fixin's for his homemade bacon, egg, & cheese bagel. I started, then remembered that I was making a crockpot meal for dinner. Crap. I had to clean the chicken (I HATE that!), cut it up, and mix in all the other stuff. It would have been fine if I wasn't cooking an egg, toasting a bagel, and forgetting to microwave the bacon. Double crap. Therefore, Drew cooked his own stupid breakfast as I handled slimy (chicken) breasts. Not as fun as it sounds. Drew actually cooked me breakfast, too, since I was too busy with dinner. But wait! What meal are we missing? Yes, I hadn't thought of lunch. Triple crap. Luckily, we had some leftover pizza in the fridge - sweeeeeet!

My dependable husband warms up the car, scrapes the 1/2 inch of snow off, and sends me on my way. When I get to the school, the parking lot is empty except for one car. That's strange. I check the clock; it's 7:40 AM. The teachers on duty are so late. For shame! I let myself into my classroom and set about my usual routine. It's awfully quiet in the hallway this morning. Hmm. I set about my work again. Doo-de-doo-de-doo. (That's my work music.) I look at the clock again. It's after 8:00. Oh dear, the office staff is late, too. I finally check my email. There is an email from our communications person at school:

"When there is a two-hour delay (as there is today)..."

Forget crap. Dammit, dammit, dammit.

Electricity Bill to Spike

It looks like we're going to use more electricity now that we have... a WORKING DRYER. Haha! Victory! And it only took us more than 3 months. They cut several holes in the ceiling and left a white film of dust on every bare surface, but we have a dryer! No more crunchy towels! I can wash my jeans less than two days before I want to wear them! I do not have to hang every one of Drew's socks individually (that guy wears about three pairs a day)! I no longer have to keep my undies on display in the upstairs hallway! Hooray!

Now we shall hope that they did a good job. We have renter's insurance in case these guys are morons, and crappy workmanship causes a fire.

This all comes at a good time. Now we can use the second closet for hanging off-season clothes (what an idea!), so that Drew can have enough room to hang up the flannel. We want to make sure the flannel has a good spot. 'Tis the most important part of a winter wardrobe. What a fashion plate he is.

Would you like a glimpse into our everyday lives? These are our cats:

Old People

Is it sad when you and your husband look at each other at 8:00 p.m. and ask if it's too early to go to bed? I'm tired! We have convinced ourselves that we must stay up until at least 10:00 since we get up at 6:00. Most people have thousands of things to do, but since we don't have TV, we have a lot more than we used to. Plus, we're not spending the majority of our evening talking on the phone to each other or driving back and forth to our dwellings.

It's funny that in this age of RUSH, RUSH, RUSH, we actually have time to sit around and decide how we'll spend our time for the next few hours. I mean, Drew made a fabulous dinner (Eggplant Parmesan), we cleaned up, he worked on his car, I knit, I graded papers, he cleaned the litter boxes... and then we still had two hours to kill/enjoy. :) Here we sit - one blogging and the other reading. Oh yes! He reads, too. I just love that he wants to sit down and expand his mind voluntarily with printed matter. Very attractive, if you ask me. But then, that might be why I'm considering getting my master's degree as a librarian/media specialist. That I love the way that a hardback book sounds and feels when it has that library protective plastic on the dust jacket might have something to do with it. Or that I have the most organized classroom library in the school. (I have not yet implemented the Dewey Decimal system yet, but I'm still working on memorizing that to make my trips to the public libraries more fruitful.) Or that I get so angry when I find books that aren't shelved properly. How am I supposed to find a book that isn't even in the right section?! Do I need to buy you a stronger pair of half-glasses, cardigan-sweatered librarian lady?

Oh dear, did I just rant about libraries? Nerd.

So who's going to vote tomorrow? I'm keeping my choice a secret, but I have to share this:



C'mon, that's hilarious... and doesn't have anything to do with who I'm voting for, thankyouverymuch. I told one of the kindergartners at my school (after she told me she's voting for McCain) that I was voting for the best candidate out there: Bugs Bunny. She informed me that he was not running (what?!), and I would have to choose someone else. Damn.

Either way, get out and vote... even if you have no idea what you stand for or haven't read a darn thing about what the candidates believe in. Yay!

(Seriously though, it's in God's hands, so why fret?)

Beatlemania!

Last weekend Drew and I went to the BEST concert I've ever seen. (Yes, that includes 'NSYNC, too). The band was 1964... The Tribute, and it was the closest thing to a real live early 1960's Beatles concert that one could every experience post-1980. It was amazing! From the way George taps his foot, to the gum chewing of John, to the bouncy scream of Paul... they got it. The music was spectacular. The guy who does Paul is spot on with the voice. He may sound more like Paul than Paul does. I totally agree with Rolling Stone - they are the best Beatles tribute band in the world. In one word... uncanny!

Of course, the first thing I do is call up the biggest Beatles fan I know (who was alive during the actual rock-n-roll reign of the Fab Four) and tell her all about it. She wasn't home, but when I did inform her of this, she practically pooped her pants she was so excited. Haha, aren't you glad I didn't embarrass you by using your name, Mom?

Anyway, so I concocted a plan to come home and take both my parents to see this amazing show at Carnegie Hall in New York City. But I figure rather than take the risk of screwing it up by keeping it a surprise, I'll just tell them. So here it is! Surprise!

Ok, Ma, gimme a call so you can pick your seats! :) We're going to see the Beatles!!

Sausage Mystery

Fourth Grade Comment of the Day: "Mrs. Newman, the girl's bathroom smells like... sausage."

Of course, the fourth grade boys speculate on such a phenomenon.
Boy 1: Maybe someone was making sausage in there.
Boy 2: Or someone ate sausage.

Harvest vs. Halloween

We had our Harvest Party at school today. Halloween is sort of off-limits in my Christian school, which is very disappointing to me, who was raised with spending October weekends watching a graveyard manifest in our front yard. My dad was the guy who got all into Halloween and took much joy in scaring the poo out of dumb high schoolers. I remember that there was one mask in the Halloween costume box that we would never want to look at because it was so scary. One year Dad created a costume that made him "headless" with a large black cloak, then carried that frightening mask with a red balloon inflated inside. He added a flashlight so the eyes and mouth glowed red. Creeeeepy. My father is a sick, sick man. Hence, I make more sense to you know, eh?

The love of Halloween has trickled down to me. Maybe I didn't get in enough dress-up time as a preschool child. Though... I did love to wear my Mom's navy blue blouse with tiny white polka dots. And high heels! What fun. Anyhoo, I love the fun of being someone else for a few hours, because of COURSE, I must also play the character. Dark, scary costumes/characters are my favorite so I can escape my goody-two shoes for awhile. Sometimes it can be so exhausting being the good girl (though I strive to be the best person I can be as often as I can). Can I get an "amen?" Oh wait, that's contradictory...

Back to the Harvest Party. I've got some great pics of the kids as they try to suck up peanuts with a straw and drop them into a cup (not surprisingly, the most talkative ones have the most powerful lungs), throw plastic bugs through a "spider web" made of ribbons into plastic buckets, and try to eat a glazed doughnut suspended on a string (hands must be behind their backs!). If you would like to publicly humiliate someone without him realizing it, bet him that he can't do that doughnut challenge in less than 1 1/2 minutes. It's quite a sight, and much harder than it sounds. I know you're grabbing your keys to go out to buy some Krispy Kremes to try this experiment. I'll wait. Make sure you purchase the glazed ones that are goopy to the touch. They make your victim/friend look completely ridiculious for a long time after the initial embarrassment of chasing a baked good through the air, because the glaze will dry to an opaque, flaky white on his cheeks, forehead, eyelashes, hair, and shirt (oh yes, it gets everywhere if you have a fierce competitor on your hands). Conveniently have no access to water or wet-naps on hand. He will still look silly if he wipes with a dry napkin. Don't worry - entertainment guaranteed or your money back. If you would like more ideas for public humiliation, please subscribe to my monthly newsletter...

Where was I? Oh, yes, the kiddies. They also decorated pumpkins with pushpins, little straw hats, straight pins, toothpicks, googly eyes, and beads. They made some really cute creations without the mess of paint or the danger of stabbing themselves (or each other) with carving knives. Granted, there was some threatening of life and limb with colored toothpicks, which the parents quickly confiscated. Luckily, they haven't had an in-depth anatomy class yet, so they weren't quite sure where to stab with the most effectiveness. This contemplative delay offered the adults the opportunity to foil the "fun-loving" fifth grade boy's plans. Sometimes I really miss that class; other times I think about how much more energy I have (like, enough to walk up a whole flight of stairs when I get home).

Thought of the day: Is it okay that my kitten's anus doesn't stay completely closed? It's actually slightly open all the time, like a little pink mouth making a surprised "ooooo" expression. Can it get infected or something? Or do I just live with the fact that I can always smell what's in his colon? Maybe I will rename him Mr. Stinkers or Captain Poo. Any other suggestions?

Sibling Pressure

I can't believe I gave in to this. Here I am, blogging. I can't even keep a diary, people. Thanks to Bobby and Bill, I am completely pressured into blogging as well. But here it is anyway... maybe it will you feel better that I'm communicating with you. Without involving you. It's kinda impersonal, don't you think? Like you're looking into my thoughts (granted, they're the ones I choose to show)... Don't you feel like a creepy voyeur of some type? You should. Enjoy, you sicko.

So... married life is nice. It's great to come home to someone as nice as Drew every day. He cleans up after himself, cooks a few times a week, wakes up early to have breakfast with me. He even makes me the "Drew sandwich" every morning before I go to work. He cooks up an egg, tops it with lowfat cheese, and melts it on a piece of bread for me. It's even better on a bagel, but one must watch calories when she eats his homemade chocolate chip cookies. Did I mention he cleans the litterboxes, too? What a good catch. He's mine; back off!

But I must update you on the non-human members of our family. Yuri is finally returning to his normal self after a bout with a mysterious fever several weeks ago. We paid several hundred dollars for the vet to tell us that he has a "fever of unknown origin" (yes, that's the medical term). She gave us an antibiotic anyway. By the time we got halfway through the pills, Yuri could expertly hide it in his mouth and spit it out somewhere else. Sneaky you-know-what.

In the meantime, Little (as we call the other one) is growing up fast. He spends most of his time annoying Yuri and attaching himself like a surprise backpack to him. The other part of his time is spent yowling at us to either play with him or pick him up. When that fails, he runs back and forth through the house, hiding in the curtains and the vertical blinds. Ever seen a cat run with his tail curled like a monkey? I'm wondering where I can score some Ritalin for this guy...

We love our townhouse... most of the time. We're not on real good terms with the rental company right now, since the vent for our dryer has been broken since we moved in. It renders the dryer completely unusable. It's been three months, seven phone calls, three complaint letters, two personal visits, and one visit with a lawyer since we first notified them about the problem. On the bright side, our electric bill was only $30 this month! Still, it would be nice if we could throw our sheets in the dryer instead of having them perennially hanging on our banister. Would make the joint look a little classier, I think.

Let me end with some funnies from my class of 9-10 year olds:

Beth: Some cultures worship one big god and several smaller gods. We have one big God that can do anything.
Girl (yells suddenly): That's because little gods are ugly!
Beth: Ok, how do you know they are ugly?
Girl: You know, big things are usually beautiful and little things are ugly.
Boy (outraged): What about babies?!

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On a spelling test:
Use the word "spirit" in a complete sentence that shows what the word means. (Most kids went for the obvious Christian school answer. This child did not.)
"A spirit is a type of alcoholic beverage."

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Completely serious answers to questions in a Bible class discussion:
Beth: What would you do if you were a shepherd like David and became scared?
Girl: Depending on how fat they were, I would hide in the sheep.

Beth: How would you protect your flock?
Boy: If they were asleep, I would pick them up and put them on a low branch of a tree. Then I would get in the tree, too, and wait with a big stick.

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My favorites from last year:
Q: What should you do if you are famished?
A: Call the cops.

Q: What should you do if you are famished?
A: Eat the plants.